Real estate is one of the few places in life where grown adults will argue passionately over a refrigerator. Or a bidet… yep, that was a fun one.

And I get it. When you’re buying or selling a home, it’s not just numbers on paper. It’s pride. It’s security. It’s identity. It’s money you worked hard for. Negotiation isn’t abstract — it’s personal.

Over the years, I’ve noticed something interesting:

We all think we know our negotiation style.

But we usually don’t.

The Three Most Common Styles I See

1. The Avoider

This is the person who would rather run a marathon in flip-flops than ask for a $5,000 credit.

They fear conflict. They don’t want to “rock the boat.” They worry they’ll offend the other side. So they under-ask. Or don’t ask at all.

The problem? Silence is expensive.

2. The “I’m Great at This” Negotiator

Confidence is good. Overconfidence is… expensive.

These clients come in swinging. They’ve watched a few YouTube videos, read a book on persuasion, and now we’re offering $40,000 under asking in a competitive market “because that’s how you win.”

Sometimes bold works. Occasionally, people get lucky.

But luck is not a strategy.

I’ve also seen people negotiate themselves right out of a home they loved because they just had to win every point.

3. The Bargainer

This one’s interesting. The bargainer isn’t negotiating — they’re keeping score.

They need to signal that they’re sacrificing something. They want the other side to know they’re giving up a piece of themselves here. They rarely settle without announcing what they’re “losing.”

Not all, but I’ve seen this dynamic quite a bit with high-ranking professionals — including some military officers. It makes sense. In structured hierarchies, decisiveness and authority are strengths. But real estate isn’t a command structure. It’s a relationship.

Bargaining is about leverage.
Negotiating is about alignment.

They are not the same thing.

My Approach (It’s Not Sexy)

Here’s my big, dramatic, high-powered negotiation secret:

Be kind.

Develop mutual understanding.
Don’t be a jerk.
And you better believe that I’ll back up every request with real, substantiated reasoning.

That’s it.

When we negotiate, I’m not trying to “beat” the other side. I’m trying to create clarity.

• Why does my buyer need this repair addressed?

• Why is this price justified based on market data?

• Why does this timeline matter for my seller?

When the other side understands the why, the temperature drops. Walls come down. People stop posturing.

And here’s something most people miss:

The strongest leverage in a negotiation isn’t aggression.
It’s credibility.

Collaboration Beats Compromise

I prefer collaboration over compromise.

Compromise feels like:
“Fine. We’ll split the difference.”

Collaboration sounds more like:
“What actually matters most to each of us?”

Sometimes price isn’t the most important term.
Sometimes it’s timing.
Sometimes it’s repairs.
Sometimes it’s certainty.

If my seller cares more about a clean, smooth close than squeezing out the last $3,000, that changes how we negotiate.

If my buyer cares more about securing the home than winning every inspection credit, that changes strategy too.

When we identify the real priorities, we create solutions instead of standoffs. But don’t get me wrong, if you want to play the game, I will still be on your side.

Team > Tension

The best transactions I’ve been part of didn’t feel like battles. They felt like teams.

Sometimes that team is just me and my client, aligned and clear.
Sometimes it expands — me, my client, the other agent, and their client — all trying to move one deal across the finish line.

That mindset has consistently worked in my clients’ favor — whether they’re buying or selling.

Not because we’re pushovers.
Not because we don’t advocate hard.

But because we advocate intelligently.

So… What’s Your Style?

If you’re honest with yourself:

• Do you avoid asking?

• Do you push just to push?

• Do you need to “win”?

• Or are you open to understanding what actually matters most?

Negotiation isn’t about dominating the other side.

It’s about protecting what matters to you — without burning down the bridge you’re standing on.

And if we ever work together, here’s what you can expect from me:

Clear strategy.
Strong advocacy.
Zero theatrics.
And a whole lot of calm, collaborative pressure.

Because in real estate — like most things in life — you usually get further as a team than you do swinging solo.